


Lionheart's lying heart

by LilibethSonar



Category: Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Character Study, F/M, Or Is It?, Unrequited Love, Wedding Planning
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-31
Updated: 2018-10-31
Packaged: 2019-08-11 13:05:29
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,489
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16476104
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LilibethSonar/pseuds/LilibethSonar
Summary: Rey remembers, then, that the two of them haven’t exactly spoken in, what, four month? Half a year? Ben seems to have more work than her and Finn combined, so he always misses their nights out, rare as they’ve become. But he never texts or calls her anymore either, and Rey doesn’t know why. (Doesn’t she really?) It hurts. Quite a lot.Oh, well, he wouldn’t’ve answered her call anyway. It’s, like, 5 a.m. He must be sound asleep. Rey stares at her phone’s lit screen until the too bright light makes her eyes water.





	Lionheart's lying heart

**Author's Note:**

> This is a direct sequel to hipgrab's (aka kylorenaissance) fic that can be found [here](https://kylorenaissance.tumblr.com/post/179558234372/8-or-9-for-the-soft-prompts-pls-whichever-you). I highly recommend reading it first. It hit me in the feels so hard I had to go and write a fic of my own. :D
> 
> I tag this story as reylo because I was writing it with reylo in mind, but, much more than anything else, this is a character study of Rey (and of me, because who am I fooling). But there's also a dash of finnrey in here, so keep that in mind.
> 
> Lastly, this is, like, heavily unbeta-ed. And very liberally proofread. I'll get back to it later, but for now I opted on posting it as is because I really need to take it off my chest. Enjoy?

_He stops his fist inches away from the men’s restroom mirror and drops his hand. Ben’s reflection stares back at him, jaw clenched and eyes wet. His heart— No, his whole chest hurts as if stuffed with crushed glass._

“Finn and I are… getting married.”

_The weight of it crushes his ribcage._

_Ben turns tail, only managing a one-word text before he breaks and hurls his phone into the nearest alleyway’s wall._

 

*

 

They’re still sitting cozily in the booth when Rey spots Ben pushing through the crowd on the other side of the bar; he’s hurrying towards the exit, not back to them. Rey turns to Finn, puzzled, but before she can say anything, Finn’s phone buzzes with a text.

_[sick]_

“Well,” Finn frowns, “that’s A Way to react to the news.”

Something about his words doesn’t sit well with her but Rey brushes the feeling off.

“He must be,” she muses, looking at the phone’s screen. “Sick, I mean. Ben never texts like that.”

Ben’s texts are those of a person who tries desperately not to put his foot in his mouth at least in writing. They’re _painfully_ correct, always. Seeing him disregard grammar _and_ punctuation makes Rey actually worry.

“Huh. Yeah, you’re right.” Finn squeezes the round of her shoulder and shakes his head. “Man, that sucks!”

“Yeah… it does.”

 

*

 

Truth be told, Rey’d rather they eloped and were done with it. Finn, however… Finn has a thing for sparkly decorations, and bouquets, and fancy pastries. He loves beautiful things and doesn’t have nearly enough beautiful memories, so if he wants their wedding to be all shiny and movie-like, Rey’s down for it. They have to postpone the happiest day for nine month, though, because that wedding venue is _not_ going to pay for itself and neither does the cake. Nor the flowers. Nor the dress.

Oh, don’t even get her started on the dresses! The first time Rey finds her way through the endless waves of creamy fabric and emerges on the upper end of the ruffled bodice in front of the fitting room mirror, she flushes down to her chest because she looks stupid and the utter impracticality of it all annoys the hell out of her.

“Capitalist bullshit,” Rose mutters as the shop assistant assures Rey that the right dress is yet to find her.

Allegedly, Rose is there to give a second opinion, although her remark pretty much summarizes everything she has to say on the matter. In truth, Rey just uses the chance to hang out with her friend — Finn and she barely see anyone these days because of the extra workload they’ve picked up — and ends up going to several fittings before settling for the dress that she simply doesn’t trip on.

Rose makes her laugh throughout the whole ordeal, side-eyeing elaborate designs comically. Thanks to her, it’s… nice. Well, save for the capitalist bullshit and the pang of _something_ Rey can’t place but feels every time she’s dressed in white.

From there it’s work, work, work. They do go out with their friends, but Finn and Rey are so tired most evenings the memories of those outings become distant and blurry the moment their heads hit their respective pillows. And the wedding…. Rey heard, of course, that “proper” weddings are wearing, but she didn’t expect to feel worn out to bone month _before_ the best day of her life.

After work, she sits down with her laptop and scrolls, scrolls, scrolls, looking for caterers, comparing prices, booking, cancelling bookings. Her eyelids are getting heavy and itchy, and there is this… _weight_ in the pit of her stomach, this tightness under her ribs that doesn’t seem to loosen no matter what. Stubborn, Rey presses her lips together and scrolls.

One night, when Finn’s away, she snaps and binges a new show, camping on the couch until dawn. By the time the room grows gray and the _final_ final credits roll, Rey is ready to combust with all the theories about the show’s future plot she’s accumulated. Her first thought is of Ben: she could bet he’s seen it already, and their conversations are… pretty awesome. Or they were.

Rey remembers, then, that the two of them haven’t exactly spoken in, what, four month? Half a year? Ben seems to have more work than her and Finn combined, so he always misses their nights out, rare as they’ve become. But he never texts or calls her anymore either, and Rey doesn’t know why. _Doesn’t she really?_ It hurts. Quite a lot.

Oh, well, he wouldn’t’ve answered her call anyway. It’s, like, 5 a.m. He must be sound asleep. Rey stares at her phone’s lit screen until the too bright light makes her eyes water.

 

*

 

Not only the tightness in her chest doesn’t loosen — it becomes worse. Rey’s aware of it from the moment she gets out of bed in the morning. The heaviness spreads from her stomach to her limbs, to the back of her head. In the dark, it presses her into the mattress in a totally unsexy way. Days drag, and at last Rey drags herself to the doctor.

“You’re just stressed,” the doctor says with a kind smile.

Rey grits her teeth, nods, and finds a _female_ doctor who suggests an ECG before Rey’s even finished talking.

But her ECG is perfect and so are all other tests.

“Then what the hell _is it?”_ she whines, slumping against the bar at Maz’s, her third martini by her elbow and her Finn away — again.

The old Maz looks at her knowingly, the bar owner’s eyes cartoonishly big behind her glasses’ lenses, thick and round like the bottom of a bottle.

“Is your heart in the right place, child?” Maz asks, moving the martini out of Rey’s elbow reach.

Rey doesn’t know.

 

*

 

It’s not like they’re inviting the whole town, but Rey’s laptop still wheezes, thinking whether to send a bunch of emails with invitations or to flip her off with the blue screen of death as it is prone to do. It unfreezes — _thanks a lot!_ — and the invitations are on their way. Rey’s shoulders sag in relief. _Done_. For a few minutes, she just sits with her eyes closed and breathes. The morning is peaceful, filled with yellow sunlight, coffee, and Finn’s singing muffled by the shower.

Then Finn’s phone buzzes.

Rey doesn’t move — _let it go to voicemail, let it all go away_. The buzzing doesn’t stop, though, and Finn is only on the middle of the song, so Rey squints at the phone from her spot on the couch and—

_[Ben is calling]_

She answers because the buzzing is irritating. And she wants— It’s just—

“Hey, Ben!” Rey cringes, her cheerful tone is so embarrassingly fake. On the other end of the line, Ben is silent. “Are you there?”

He clears his throat.

“Yeah, yeah, sorry. Hi, Rey.”

“Hi.”

There’s a pause, and, boy, they haven’t talked to each other for a long time, have they? It’s so awkward Rey’s heart hurts.

“So, about your invitation. Sorry, but I won’t— I won’t be able to be there. Business trip.”

He sounds… odd. Or, rather, he doesn’t sound like himself. His text — _sick_ — from the night they told Ben that they’re getting married appears before Rey’s eyes.

“Good bye, Rey,” he says after a couple more polite phrases, and now, _now_ he sounds like Ben.

The call ends, her own goodbye left unspoken.

 

*

 

Three weeks before the wedding, Rey finds out what’s wrong with her.

She’s been lying to herself again, that’s what. And now she does not, _cannot_ lie. Not anymore.

Finn was the first person to love her in the entire world. He’s been good for her; he _will be_ good for her. He’ll never betray, never abandon her. For Rey, to marry him is the most rational, most sensible, the safest thing to do. She is lucky, and Finn is perfect, and she doesn’t want him.

Finn will always be her first love. But the love that is true, the life-long love that he deserves, Rey won’t be able to give him.

The stone shell that has been growing around her heart cracks and shame and guilt pour out of it like lava. Before her voice drowns in them, Rey stands up and goes to Finn. The thought of hurting him so is _terrifying_. He might never forgive her. But if Rey steals his life like that she will never forgive _herself_. So she goes to him and takes off her engagement ring.

 

*

 

On the day that was supposed to be her wedding day, Rey sits on the floor of her new apartment, surrounded by boxes. The air is cool and sweet, and she’s lightheaded. Her heart still aches but now it’s free.

Gingerly, Rey unlocks her phone. When Ben picks up, she says all in one breath, “So, have you seen this show….”

**Author's Note:**

> Please let me know what you think in the comments! :D


End file.
